(An old letter I've found, from 3 years ago) 

Dear Kurt, 

It's all dark again. It's not about him or anything else. It's about nothing. Because I feel like there's nothing here. I don't want to be here. I truly don't. Please help me. I just want to get out. I'm so tired. Everything is so pointless. They say it's in pain that we find the meaning of life. I don't know, I don't think any of this is worth suffering for.

Why am I here? I feel such a waste of energy sometimes. I'm not even worth the place I have here.

What have I accomplished in my life til this point? 

I don't want to stand up and act like I'm fine. I don't want to keep these lies. I don't want to go out there and act normal so that people won't know - just because it would be a shame for me if they all knew I'm this messed up. 

I don't want to pretend. And I don't want to leave this bed.

My eyes hurt. My stomach hurts. My head is spinning around and it feels so heavy. I don't want to be here anymore. Take me somewhere I'm out of myself. I can't stand being me anymore. Not like this.

I don't want to go anywhere, in fact. I just wanted someone to take me out of me. Does it even make sense?

Who am I trying to call? You don't even listen. You're not even there. Anyway thank you Kurt. It would be so much worst without you. And believe me it's difficult to imagine me feeling worst than now. I'm as empty as a white wall. Full of nothing.

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(My perspective of that old letter, today)

Dear Kurt,

Even the most ignorant person would've known I was not empty. Neither full of nothing. I was, instead, full of everything. There was too much to let go. There were too many tangled thoughts and emotions. 

My biggest mistake was thinking that you weren't listening. That you were not even there. Because you were. I don't care how naive it may seem to think you were listening. Or to think that you are listening at this very moment. But I deeply believe you are. If some have God, someone they've never known and still believe he listens, why can't I believe in you? In fact, you're all I can wholeheartedly believe in. And that's what has been saving me for years.

«Peace, love, empathy.»