(An old letter from 3 years ago)

Dear Kurt, 

I guess people don't get the dimension of what's happening. I can conciliate both sadness and happiness at the same time in the most awkward situations. Whatever.

I think such terrible things that I'll never be able to put into words.

I'm okay right now. And it doesn't feel me anymore, being okay, like I don't know anymore how to act, what to do, how to deal with being okay. Because there's been a long time since I last felt okay.

I really need summer to come. I really need my parents to decide going to London. I really need to meditate. I really need to watch a lot of movies. I really need these things but they'll have to wait, because I have to study. 

You know, that's something I've been worried about. Life is this precious thing that will soon be over, but still, we have to do a whole range of pointless things that won't make any difference in the end. We have to worry about things that will soon pass, and we have to follow a certain routine and regularity. We can't go on big adventures without thinking twice, because it may be too risky. But, in the end, what is a risk? What can be more powerful than death that keeps us away from doing what we really crave to? Well, what can be, do you know, more powerful than death? Living, for sure. 

And even though I don't know if I belong here, I'm still trying to find a meaning.

Kurt, you're the best.

«Peace, love, empathy.»