(An old letter I've found, from 3 years ago)

Dear Kurt, 

"I can't find strength to be here anymore. I don't want to fight. I just wanted someone who truly cared about me. You see, an easy friend. Like you. But alive, and by my side. I can't take this anymore. I'm so tired. I can't really feel I have people by my side, people I can count on. 

I'm so stupid. I always try my best to help them when they are sad but when it turns to me, I can't really see their effort to help. I don't understand why. I just wanted something to happen. Something that stopped this kind of messy existence. I'm so lost. There's nothing left here. I just can't hold on for better days."

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(My perspective of that old letter, today)

Dear Kurt, 

Of course I was too selfish. Too influenced by pain. Blind. 

It was so unfair to think there was no one to help me when everyone was there doing all they could. My family, doing their best. My best friends, always there to listen and to make me get out of that sadness. It was just that, by that time, I thought they had to do something bigger to help. Something that, in fact, no one apart from myself could do. That strength I didn't have... they just couldn't give it back to me. And that was I was most angry about. But I shouldn't. I shouldn't have expected anyone of them to know how to deal with the situation. It was all as new for them as it was for me. 

The strength... I was the one who had to get it back. And somehow I did. Because I don't see things the way I did 3 years ago. And I'm thankful I don't.

«Peace, love, empathy.»