Dear Kurt, 

There's just so much to tell you today. I can tell you it was one of the best days of this year. Not that anything particularly highlighting had happened, but you see, I'm fine. At least, I think I am. Or I was, most of the day.

At school it was fine, except from a stupid close-minded teacher I have, who happened to be a psychology teacher - yes, with that mentality, how? But, let's see, about school, everything was fine. You were my  main company there. Your voice always calms me down, as you know.

I had lunch with a close friend, who gave me chocolates as a gift. Then my day got better: we went for a walk, in the older part of the city. There was a street artist playing an instrument. The breeze, the sound... I don't know. It was so strange, for such a simple thing had made me feel so... alive. If you could've seen my face, you would say I was so happy. Sincerely happy. 

Then I went alone to my English course. This was one of those days I had that urge to be alone at a certain point. One of those days when being alone doesn't mean being lonely. Walking on the bridge... the river... you know how important nature and these kind of scenarios are to me. Beauty as it is to my eyes. I guess what I'm trying to say is these things made me feel hopeful again. 

As I went home at night I started thinking again of how brief this feeling was. Good while it lasted, but the thing is it, didn't last long. The point is I am constantly tortured by my mind. Of course I don't have the audacity to think I'm the only one - many people do. What scares me the most is that there's only two options, both hard: accepting that my mind can kill me slowly or using my mind to create something worth living for.

Then my thoughts led to the "I don't want to be alone" issue. I'm so young. I don't even feel like desperate for a relationship, but I can't stand the uncertain of not knowing whether I'll have someone who cares someday or not. Is this supposed to make me feel this stressed? Why Kurt, why am I this messy? Who would want such a messy girl? 

You see, even though I'm fine, this thoughts will appear somehow. And the thing is, if I'm fine and able to deal with myself I can have enough control, but if I'm not (which is the most usual) I completely lose myself to desperation.

«Peace, love, empathy.»