Dear Kurt,

I don't think there's a worst thing than this feeling. I'm sitting on the floor, at home, it's dark, night's coming and I have only a candle lighted up. I don't know if it's this dramatic scenario that makes me feel like this. But it can't be. I can't be sure how many times I've told you "I'm so tired of this" or "I can't deal with this anymore.” These sentences have became pretty much a cliché to me. I am so tired indeed. It's getting cold. Today I looked through the window and all I could think was: "This is for sure what sadness looks like - the grey sky, the monotony of the outside life. And that's what sadness is: a stationary place. And the problem with that is that in order to get out, you need to move. But in these kind of places, you're just not capable of moving, even if you really want to. I could never, in a million years, imagine my life like this. A sixteen-year-old-girl sitted on the floor writing about how stupid and pointless her life is. So hopeless, there's just to much right now. I miss her a lot. I can't forget I was the one who hadn't visited her right before she passed away. And I can't be in peace with that.
I just can't understand how do I go from hysterical laughing and staring at beautiful simple things as a tree, to crying uncontrolably in the next moment. I don't think anyone can understand this too. Will this never change? Please help me. I'm so lost.

«Peace, love, empathy.»