Dear Kurt, 

I don't know how to start. I'm just a little lost.

Maybe one day I'll wake up and it will be as if nothing bad had ever happened. To be more accurate, nothing really bad had ever happened, in fact - it's just that lots of bad things have been felt. And this is what I can't stand anymore. I'm just too tired. I literally have no motivation to save myself anymore. Kurt, my friend, today I wondered why I write to you. The most obvious reason is, of course, that I admire the person you were. But that's it - the person you were while you lived in this world. And maybe that's because you've already been here that I write to you - because maybe now that you are not here anymore you may understand all the things that you didn't while you were here, maybe now you know all the answers to the questions that one day you had.

I can't live with the uncertain anymore, and it may make me seem naive but I'm really hoping that you can help me, by giving me some clues on how to live. My biggest question has always been related to destiny. I mean, is there something meant for me, and so I just have to let life do everything, for me to end up exactly where I have to be? Or do we have the power to choose to live any kind of life we desire to, if we fight to achieve it?

You see, my deepest doubt is about how to live and what to do. It is, for sure, more comfortable to believe in the first option - that everything is determined to happen in a certain way - as it relieves us to think that even pain will be worth it in the end. And I guess this is why many people believe in God and all these things, because these things makes their existence more peaceful, for the simple reason that they have something they believe in wholeheartedly - the possibility to be saved from the dark. And so they keep moving, trying to find the light.

I'm not that kind of person. I've never really had that thing, you know, believing in these things. Which, as you know, I regret. But I guess it's something you can't crave to have. From these two things, you can only have one: you are born with this beliefs or you aren't. And if you aren't, you're going to be a tormented soul, as I am, looking for answers to questions that maybe you would've never asked if you were born with beliefs.

Whatever. Kurt, just tell me. Should I move on or let life do its thing?
Where am I supposed to end up? - if there is at all a place where I'm meant to end up in.
Oh, right. Why can't I just be sleeping at 02:34? Or having fun at 02:34? Instead, I'm here, at 02:34, hoping that you'd be here to answer me and pointing me a light.

I'm going crazy.

«Peace, love, empathy.»